Why The Microsoft Surface Laptop Sucks Horse Balls

...and why you should buy it

hooolly shit bro this thing sucks donkey rat

You cannot fuck up a laptop more badly than the microsoft laptop surface pro ($2,000). It features a glossy 3:2 screen with touch capability that breaks after 2 years. The charging port is right where the mouse would be, and the usb port for the mouse is on the opposite end for the laptop, which is unpractical for wireless mice (more distance == less accuracy and battery life). I hate this laptop so bad, who made this fucking thing.

beautiful ass screen

4K on a laptop screen is retarded as fuck, you're not gonna see the difference between 1080p and 4K on a 14" screen, it's just gonna cost more and use more battery. On some OS's/DE's it gets scaled and shit is just as big as a 1080p screen, and when it's not scaled, it's as tiny as an ant's ass, nobody sees that shit bro holy fuck. 3:2 is a shit aspect ratio cuz you can't have shit side by side like 1080p and you can't have web pages fit perfectly like 5:4 or 4:3. Also CAD runs and looks like shit on a 4K laptop screen. You have to be a straight nigger to not notice how bad this shit is.

state of the art design

This $2,000 piece of shit would break if I drop it on the floor or pour coffee on it. There would be no way to replace or repair any of the parts fuck this thing. Guess what fucker? No ethernet port. That's right, you are forced to use shitty slow insecure and problematic wifi. This is the root of all evil cuz if your network is setup by someone with boomer IT skillz and uses some shitty expensive router that blocks http traffic on wifi, you're fucked for like 30% of the internet usage. Man fuck this thing.


You could save half a thousand bucks by buying an MSI gaming laptop, and it would actually be way better than this piece of garbage. At least the MSI laptop has a nice screen and better port placement, better thermal handling, etc. although it'd still be a shit laptop. You could get alienware too cuz some alienware laptops have the same keyboard as the old dell latitudes, you gotta find that shit on your own. Ideally though you'd get a thinkpad, get a nitropad x230 if you're a baller, otherwise get a t520 since it has that big exhaust shit near the cpu, making it good for quad core shit which is kinda needed. No matter what laptop you get, it's gonna be better than this piece of shit. Fuck you microsoft, and stop spying on me already you fuck.